We're Julie Cooper and Brett Cooper, fundraising copywriters for great causes. Does your fundraising bring in as much money as it could? You can send donor communications that stir hearts to action. We'd love to help. π Start by subscribing to our FREE and fun weekly newsletter.
3 things you might be missing when you "set the scene" for your donors
Setting the scene is like teleporting. Do it carefully or you might wind up in the wrong place. This is the 142nd Fundraising Writing Newsletter. If you find value here, please tell a fundraising friend. (Your fundraising friend can βsubscribe here for free.)β A special hello π to all of you who have joined us since last week when I co-taught a webinar with Rachel Muir and Sarah Masterson. So thrilled to have you here! π In this issue: β 3 things you might be missing when you "set the scene" for your donors β How's your end-of-year appeal going? September 12th: Tom Ahern, Jeff Brooks, me ... and you? β Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge you β Wednesday, August 7, 2024 Hi Reader, βLast month, I wrote to you about the power of putting donors "on location" by really setting the scene for them so they can FEEL the need β because it's feeling that drives action. Quick reminder: 5 "setting the scene" takeaways for you...
These are the essentials, but there are at least... 3 things you might be missing when you "set the scene" for your donorsSoon after we sent the email on this topic, we heard back from a reader, Ashley. She'd worked hard to set the scene for her org's upcoming appeal and asked us for feedback. Here's the beginning of the draft Ashley shared with us: Dear <First Name>,
β
Finally, school is out and youβre so excited to sleep late, go to the pool, and spend time on vacation (hoping for the beachβ¦or Disney World)! And then you canβt believe what youβre hearing, βIβve signed you up for summer camp at school!β
β What?! Itβs not been a week since school has been out, and Iβm already going back? No way, what about all that sleep? (..and Disney World..)
β But you go anyway, and when you walk into the classroom, you quickly get excited:
β βFriends
βSnacks βFun Teacher βSquid? β Yesss! Youβre getting ready to explore sea life at the βSharks and Minnows: Aquatic Lifeβ summer camp with [NAME] at [NAME] Middle School! And youβre immediately excited to dissect a squid and build a boatβ¦and yes learn about marine science. What a week!
Because the services Brett and I offer our clients include variations of feedback with or without rewriting, we decided to be brief in our response to Ashley but give her a bit of free feedback. Here's the feedback Brett responded with: Great job creating a scene that pulls us in, that speaks to the donor directly (βyouβ), and using the elements Julie and I recommended in our newsletter (thank you for reading!!).
β Since you asked for some feedback, here are a few quick ideas for you:
β 1.) See if you can adjust the scene such that it solves an important problem for someone donors will care about (e.g., children, parents, themselves). In your case, itβs probably a problem a child faces or a problem a parent faces. It could be that a child is lonely and bored when school ends. Or it could be that a parent is upset about their child wasting time looking at screens all day. The solution: the summer camps your foundation is paying for!
β 2.) Include a name of the child, even if itβs just a name of your choice representing an aggregate picture of a typical child facing this kind of need. β 3.) Pivot quickly from the βyouβ of the scenario with the donor to the scenario of the child. You want the donor to connect to their personal history and feel those feelings associated with a difficult time from their past, and then quickly connect those feelings to the story of the child in need. You want your donor to identify with the child. The donor remembers how hard it was to feel that way, and is more likely to want to help the child who is feeling that way right now. Let's break this down. Dear <First Name>,
β
You know that feeling when things are going great and then suddenly β oh, no β not so much?
β It can happen fast. β You've built momentum, you're making progress... then something flips, and you can feel it all slipping away. β βUgh. β βIt's even worse when it's your child. β That's how it was for Lindsay with her son James. β
Before I tell you about their story, [...FIRST ASK HERE...].
β From September through May, while Lindsay made dinner James would sit at the kitchen table, hunched over a math problem or reading a young adult novel for his reading log. β Lindsay would find herself watching him at work, so focused, and think, "He really is a young man now. How did that happen?" And she'd feel a flush of pride and joy and gratitude. Parenting was hard, but it seemed she was doing something right after all. β Then summer arrived and her focused young man became bored, sullen, and glued to his screens all day. β "Well, good afternoon, sleepyhead!" Lindsay blurted to James one morning as he rolled out of bed later than ever. She felt her blood boiling. That's when she decided it was time to turn things around. β βSomething had to change this summer. β β βBut what? β
[...SECOND ASK HERE + REST OF APPEAL...]
See the difference? Please keep in mind that we would make additional changes to the rest of the appeal, but the above 3 tweaks alone can make a big difference by engaging the donor immediately. Put your donor "on location," because that's where the "action" is, where the need is, and where the feelings are. And feelings are what move us to action. π How's your end-of-year appeal going? September 12th: Tom Ahern, Jeff Brooks, me ... and you?A message from Tom Ahern: The 2024 "giving season" cometh.β Special guest expert? Jeff Brooks: "Real fundraising isn't bragging about how awesome your organization is. Nor is it trying to educate your donors about your superb processes and approach. ΒΆ "Real fundraising, the kind that changes the world, connects your cause with the donor's values and puts some action in her hands. ΒΆ "Okay, I wasn't the first to figure that out. Frankly, I was late to the game. But that bit of insight has been the foundation of my approach ever since."
"Is this cheating?" Can you buy one Zoom link, project it on a big screen, and then fill a room with attendees ... for the low price of a single $129 ticket? Join us? Please do. You won't regret it! Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge youFor your brain, heart, and funny bone...
Until next time: May you always take care to put your donors on location in a way that's relevant to them, so they feel all the feelings β the key to unlocking giving decisions. Grateful,
PS: When you are ready, we're happy to chat with you about how we might be able to help you with your donor communications β e.g., planning, writing, advising, reviewing, designing, training. Reply to this email or book a no-pressure call with me here. |
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We're Julie Cooper and Brett Cooper, fundraising copywriters for great causes. Does your fundraising bring in as much money as it could? You can send donor communications that stir hearts to action. We'd love to help. π Start by subscribing to our FREE and fun weekly newsletter.
Tell your best stories to touch a donorβs heart. This is the 145th Fundraising Writing Newsletter. If you find value here, please tell a fundraising friend. (Your fundraising friend can subscribe here for free.) In this issue: β Tell your best stories of need, then tell your best stories of impact β In 2 days, will you be on the Tom-Ahern bus too? β Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge you Tuesday, September 10, 2024 Hi Reader, You may have heard something like this... Your appeal letters...
...say I'm the only bee in your bonnet! π This is the 144th Fundraising Writing Newsletter. If you find value here, please tell a fundraising friend. (Your fundraising friend can subscribe here for free.) In this issue: β Not to put too fine a point on it... β All Aboard! 2 weeks from tomorrow, will you be on the Tom-Ahern bus too? β Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge you Wednesday, August 28, 2024 Hi Reader, There's a fun old song by a fun old band I think of now and then. Maybe you...
Image generated from Grok 2 (Fun Mode) You go, marmot! Jump that gap! We believe in you! This is the 143rd Fundraising Writing Newsletter. If you find value here, please tell a fundraising friend. (Your fundraising friend can subscribe here for free.) In this issue: β 9 ways you can help your donors close the "Information-Action Gap" β All Aboard! 3 weeks from tomorrow, will you be on the Tom-Ahern bus too? β Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge you Wednesday, August 21, 2024 Hi Reader,...