a woman looking at herself in the mirror

Should I look into the mirror or into the camera...? This is the 116th issue of the Fundraising Writing Newsletter. If you find value here, please tell your fundraising friends. (Your fundraising friends can subscribe here for free.)

In this issue:

1st or 3rd person POV for this fundraising appeal?
Win It in a Minute: Why you should have multiple fundraising asks in an appeal
Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge you

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Hi Reader,

Have you ever gone out for a dinner for two and shared a couple of dishes rather than each ordering your own meal?

Sometimes a gal wants the best of both worlds!

It can be the same with your fundraising appeals.

You may have a story that could work in 1st or 3rd person. You might think of pros and cons for each.

So, then you ask yourself . . .

1st or 3rd person POV for this fundraising appeal?

Sometimes: both.

Recently, this happened to Brett and me for an appeal we wrote for a client, Friends of the Blue Hills.

We had a great story that might do well told from the 1st or the 3rd person point of view.

We decided to use 3rd person POV for the letter and 1st person POV for the lift note.

Please give the letter below a skim, then I'll explain...

Image of the first page of an appeal: "The Blue Hills can’t take care of themselves. They need our loving protection. And if you give by December 31st, your gift of <<Ask1>> will DOUBLE with matching funds. That’s TWICE the impact for nature! Dear <<First Name>>, Loraine stands atop Great Blue. She gazes out over the Blue Hills and the Bay. She’s on the verge of completing the 125-Mile Club Challenge — by hiking every Blue Hills trail. Oh, by the way . . . Loraine is 87 years old. I love this! But Loraine knows what you might too: the Blue Hills can’t take care of themselves. The beauty and serenity they provide us are not written in stone. If we don’t take care of our beloved local treasure, it won’t take care of us. We need the Blue Hills. From our childhood through our golden years, the park serves as a glorious backdrop to our memories, ever gracing the horizons of our life story. Right now, the Blue Hills face 3 key threats. But before I explain, I want to share with you some good news: Today you hold twice the power to help keep the Blue Hills safe and thriving — because, if you give right away, your donation will DOUBLE thanks to a group of kind-hearted Blue Hills supporters who created a matching fund! I’ll show you how it works: If you can give <<$ASK1>>, the matching fund will double it to <<$ASK1x2>>. A gift of <<$ASK2>> will become <<$ASK2x2>> to keep your trails safe and clear. And a gift of <<$ASK3>> will turn into <<$ASK3x2>> to remove invasive species that threaten the park’s fragile ecosystem. It works for any amount up to [$match funds]. The deadline is December 31. So please give today." — Page 1 of the appeal letter.

And — flip the page.

image of second page of appeal: "As Loraine walks every mile of the Blue Hills, she delights in trails unblocked by fallen trees, in footbridges that are safe and secure, and in the chorus of birds singing joyously overhead. (Theirs is the song of nature in harmony.) But our trails are under threat in these 3 ways: VIOLENT WINDS: that blow down trees and block your access to miles of trails. HEAVY RAINS: that wash soil away, erode paths, and hinder your ability to explore. INVASIVE PLANTS: that suffocate native species, endanger our wildlife, and disrupt the delicate balance that nature needs to thrive. <<First Name>>, here’s where you come in. Your caring commitment to the Blue Hills will keep our trails safe and clear and remove invasive species that threaten the Blue Hills’ biodiversity — its vitally important, interconnected web of life. Today, your generosity will be DOUBLED by matching funds. So please waste no time in giving back to the park. Loraine is happy to report that as she walks the trails — spotting butterflies alighting on milkweed at Fowl Meadow ... and listening to birds singing from scrub oak on Great Blue — she’s grateful to be alive, healthy, and at peace. I’m sure you know this feeling too. It’s why you and I keep coming back to the Blue Hills, our home away from home. Thank you for protecting the Blue Hills and keeping our park a sanctuary of peace and rejuvenation. For the Blue Hills, P.S. Remember, every dollar you give before December 31st will become $2 for the Blue Hills up until we’ve reached [$match funds]. So please, make a gift today! You can make an impact faster when you give online at FriendsoftheBlueHills.org" — Page 2 of the appeal letter.

I hope you noticed:

Writing the letter from the 3rd person POV allowed us to set up in readers an expectation that would effectively frame a punchline.

Expectation: Anyone who hikes all 125 miles of the Blue Hills trails is a beast.

Punchline: Loraine did it, and she's 87 years old!
This approach would be harder to pull off (with authenticity) if told from the 1st person POV.
We were able to use more best-practices fundraising language about the need and the matching funds offer. This would likely have seemed inauthentic and weird coming from Loraine.

Now please take a look at the lift note, written from Loraine's (1st person) POV:

image of a lift note: " — Page 1 of the lift note.

And flip.

image of second page of lift note: "And since we're on this journey together, I thought I'd share a few of the places in the Blue Hills that have touched my heart the most. (They might just become your favorites too!) My 3 favorite places to explore in the Blue Hills: The Trail from Buck Hill to Unquity Road: A scenic path leading to the serenity of Unquity Road. Tucker Hill and Hancock Hill: Hiked several times, offering a unique experience with each visit. The Quarries: A special area filled with memories and natural beauty. So please join me in making sure the Blue Hills continue to be a sanctuary of peace and rejuvenation. You never know who you might inspire, just like the trails inspired me. With gratitude to you and the Blue Hills, Blue Hills Supporter" — Page 2 of the lift note.

I hope you noticed:

It's rather touching to receive a message — on a small sheet of paper that's more yellow than appears here — from 87-year-old Loraine.
We could more fittingly include nostalgic touches such as a typewriter font and "From the desk of..."
We could share Loraine's 3 trail recommendations directly. Again, this way feels more personal.
We could flesh out her story, giving it more texture and weight.
All of the feels are what we want. When donors feel more, they care more and they give more.

A takeaway —

Before you start writing, ask yourself:

1st person POV?
3rd person POV?
both??

Win It in a Minute: Why you should have multiple fundraising asks in an appeal...

Here's the latest in our weekly video series, Win It in a Minute.

You can (and maybe want to?) subscribe here.

In this new video, Julie asks Tom Ahern: "Why should you have multiple fundraising asks in an appeal?"

Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge you

For your brain, heart, and funny bone...

Fundraisingly Informative — Pay for performance: Unethical ... or next big thing? by Tom Ahern (a blog post on the ethics and practicalities of performance bonuses in nonprofit fundraising — with thoughts on moral standards, the recognition of exceptional talent, and strategic investment for organizational growth)
Appropriately Aligned — Let's Talk About Confidence by Jenny Mitchell (a LinkedIn post about self-doubt among high-achieving women — fueled by unrealistic and unfair expectations — and the need for self-compassion, for embracing and releasing your inner naggy voice, and for nurturing optimal confidence)
Carefully Worded — Imagine the Reader by Eliot Peper (a blog post about how and why it's far too easy to write for yourself or to impress others rather to communicate effectively with a particular audience)
Visually Instructive — I distilled my 4 years of marketing lessons into minimalistic visuals by Yasmine Khosrowshahi (a Twitter/X thread that might inspire you to muse profitably about marketing, social media, and network effects)
Extremely Astute — ChatGPT is lazy in December? (a Twitter/X thread explaining research showing the AI appears to have learned from people that during the winter holidays, less work gets done — so that's what it does)

Until next time: May you tell every story in the best way possible, reflecting its truth.

Grateful,

Julie and Brett picture; Julie is wearing tinted glasses and Brett is wearing sunglasses and a bow tie — Julie Cooper & Brett Cooper
Fundraising Copywriters
FundraisingWriting.com

PS: In 2024, Brett and I will have room for a new client.

If that might be you, please take a look at our portfolio and/or schedule a free call to talk about how we might work together.

We look forward to hearing from you!

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1st or 3rd person POV for this fundraising appeal?

1st or 3rd person POV for this fundraising appeal?

Win It in a Minute: Why you should have multiple fundraising asks in an appeal...

Randomly yours: to inspire and recharge you

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